Weasley Is Our King
by Ahh Siriusly
Summary: Wanting to cheer up Ron, Harry creates a song for all of Gryffindor to sing about Malfoy, much like Weasley Is Our King. Too bad it lands Harry in a bit of trouble. One shot, rated T for language.


Weasley Is Our King

A/N: I don't own anything. There's some bad language, and reference to Malfoy's…ehm, size, but nothing too bad.

The air was brisk and chilly as the annual Gryffindor vs Slytherin Quidditch game was to begin. Hundreds of spectators lined the stands to see the rivalry between Potter and Malfoy take center stage again. Ron, who was dreading the game, told Harry shakily, "And if they start up that _bloody_ song of theirs I'll take out my wand and start cursing everyone in green." Harry, being the great friend that he is, told Ron not to worry about it, everything was already taken care of.

Ron needed a little extra push in the right direction, especially when it came to Quidditch. Ron was constantly having to put up with the memories of his older brothers, mostly Charlie. They expected Ron to be this fantastic player who could go pro at any second, however reality wasn't so kind. After assuring Ron today would be different, Harry put on his scarlet and gold robes.

This was the big game everyone was talking about all year. Gryffindor had always been the team to beat, especially since Potter joined. Even the teachers agreed he was a much better player than his father, and that was a feat in itself. Harry watched as Ron shakily put on his robes, occasionally hearing Ron mutter something that sounded like "Absolutely mental".

Sighing, and hoping what was to come would make Ron play better, Harry gathered his team for a pep talk. Promising himself to keep it short, Harry only said two words- "Let's win." Nothing more needed to be said. Nodding in agreement, his team flew out onto the Quidditch pitch to receive the cheers of their fans.

"And here comes the Gryffindor team, led by Potter. Surprised _he_ was made captain, Katie Bell's a year older than he is," came the new voice. Harry groaned when he saw Michael Corner, the boy Ginny used to date, sitting next to Professor McGonagall in the stands. Harry was so used to hearing positive things about the Gryffindor team, because Lee Jordan, a friend of the Weasley twins, was always doing the commentating.

Doing a few loops around the field, Harry was anxious to get the game started. He wanted to beat Malfoy, more than anything this time.

"And Madam Hooch calls for the game to begin. The youngest Weasley takes her spot to Crabbe. I still can't believe she broke up with me-"

"Corner, the game if you please!" came Professor McGonagall's voice.

"Right, Professor. And the game begins, Gryffindor takes control of the Quaffle- Weasley passes it to Bell, who passes it back to the girl who dumped me-"

"Corner, I'm warning you!"

"And back to Bell, and- ooh-, Crabbe hits a Bludger at her. Slytherin's in control of the Quaffle now-"

Harry searched the field high and low for anything that remotely looked like a Snitch. Malfoy was doing the same too, but Harry was sure Malfoy was just following him. Malfoy wasn't the type to do the initiating, he always had to follow someone else.

It was seventy-forty, Gryffindor's favor, when Harry heard a rousing rendition of "Weasley Is Our King" from the Slytherin stands. Harry looked up at Ron, who had just let another Quaffle in. The song was getting to Ron, and Harry had to stop it. _I've got to find the Snitch now_, Harry thought. He sped off to the other end of the field, leaving Malfoy in his wake.

_Weasley is our King,_

_Weasley is our King,_

_He always lets the Quaffle in,_

_Weasley is our king._

Harry rolled his eyes. Didn't they ever get tired of this song? There was nothing special about it. Harry couldn't believe any of the teachers had said anything about it. Well, why would they? Snape is Slytherin head, he wouldn't _dare_ do anything to offend his precious snakes. Harry was sure McGonagall would have said something by now, but Snape probably would have called her an insufferable Gryffindor and left it at that.

After dodging a Bludger and hearing Crabbe snickering nearby, Harry decided it was time to put his plan to action. After a quick check of the field to see that the Snitch wasn't anywhere to be found. He flew over to the Gryffindor stands and stood stationary in the air.

"COME ON GUYS! YOU KNOW THE WORDS!" Harry cried. He pointed at Seamus and Dean, who stood in the lowest seats. They turned around, as if they were conductors and the Gryffindors were a choir. Within seconds, Ron suddenly understood what Harry meant when he said today would be different.

_Malfoy is our bitch,_

_Malfoy is our bitch,_

_He cannot catch the Snitch,_

_Malfoy is our bitch_

Harry was sure the Gryffindor hourglass was ridding itself of rubies at this very moment, but Harry didn't care. It was time Malfoy got what he deserved. Six years, Harry had to endure his endless taunting. Six years, Harry had to put up with him in Potions, with _Snape_, of all people.

Harry flew to the Gryffindor goalposts, close to Ron. The action was at the other end of the field, so Harry felt now was the most opportune time to talk to him.

"Like my song, Ron?" Harry asked, grinning.

"Are you_ mental_? McGonagall's going to kill you, if Snape and Malfoy don't get to you first!" Ron cried. "How did you get everyone the words? How did I not know about this?"

"I bewitched parchment with the words on it," Harry began, "and I sent it around to all the Gryffindors and told them to memorize it. I think it got around to the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, too."

"Damn shame-" Ron replied, as Harry gave him a quizzical look, "-that Malfoy's father isn't here. I'm sure he'd gloat in the fact that his son had a song about him." Harry smiled.

_Malfoy is our bitch,_

_He cannot catch the Snitch,_

_That's why all the Gryffindor's pitch_

_That Malfoy is our bitch._

Harry noticed this time the words were louder. He wondered if some of the student's hadn't bewitched their voices to be louder, but Harry was wrong. This time, the entire Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff stands were on their feat, singing it at the top of their lungs. Harry couldn't help but smile, because the most obscene lyrics were coming soon.

_The word ferret makes him twitch,_

_It's something we can't miss,_

_He helps us so on the Quidditch pitch,_

_Oh Malfoy is our bitch._

_Winning is a sinch,_

_When his penis is an inch,_

_When he falls it doesn't pinch_

_Because Malfoy is our bitch._

And then, Harry spotted it. Just above the Gryffindor goals. With a burst of speed, Harry darted from the Gryffindor stands, with Malfoy on his tail. The Snitch dive bombed, and Harry followed in suit. He caught it easily, just as he pulled out from his dive. He thrust his fist high up in the air, as the Gryffindors sang their loudest yet. Ron was behind him, patting him on the back.

"Nice lyrics, Harry," Ginny said, smiling. "I can't believe it, you have most of the stadium singing. I guess House unity really isn't that bad after all."

Before Harry and the rest of the team could celebrate, Harry and Ron found themselves being pulled by the back of their robes up to the castle by Professor McGonagall.

"IN!" she cried, pushing them into her office. She threw her scarlet and gold scarf on the floor and pointed them to the two seats in front of her desk.

"Never in my life- you take your whole rivalry in front of the entire school!" she cried violently. "I understand his song upset you, Weasley, but did you feel the need for a second version? Now be honest!"

"I didn't make it up, Professor. I swear! I wouldn't have made something like that up," Ron defended. "I would have made it worse."

"Mr. Weasley!" McGonagall threatened violently.

Ron shrugged. "I'm just being honest like you told me too, Professor." Harry grinned, Ron was right. She wanted them to be honest.

"Oh get out, Mr. Weasley. I'll deal with you later!" she said, pushing him out of the door. She slammed the door shut, and turned back to what she thought was an honest and hardworking student.

"Explain."

"He had it coming, Professor! All year, he's been throwing these insults at everyone! Quidditch season made it worse-"

"And you didn't think to come to me?"

"Well, no…but Professor, what difference could Snape have made? He treats his House like they're better than everyone else!"

"While that may be true, Mr. Potter, I would have made sure Mr. Malfoy heard from _me_," McGonagall said. Harry sighed, and put his broom down so that it the handle rested on his desk.

"I don't know what's gotten into you, Mr. Potter. I expected better behavior from you. It's stunts like these-"

"Stunts like what, Professor? That would get me killed? I realize the weight of the wizarding world rests on my shoulders, Professor. Let me have some fun before I die, alright?" Harry cried out. He didn't realize what he was saying until he had said it.

"You're not going to die, Harry," she said quietly. She sat in her seat, throwing her heavy cloak on the chair next to her.

"I realize what I did was wrong, Professor. It's just that- never mind, you wouldn't understand." Harry looked away. He stared at her window and saw the last of the fans clearing from their seats.

"I was a student once too, Potter. Try me," she said.

"Malfoy and his stupid father- they've ruined so many lives! Neville's parents are better off dead than what happened to them, and it's no secret Lucius is best chums with Bellatrix Lestrange. Bellatrix is his _sister-in-law_, Professor! Neville never had a normal childhood! And what about Mrs. Weasley's brothers? They were killed by Death Eaters! And Sirius, Bellatrix killed him too… and what about my parents?" Harry said quietly.

"So you're punishing Malfoy for everything You- Voldemort, has done?" McGonagall asked quietly.

"I guess. But I don't want to talk about Voldemort. Just give me a detention and take away points, if Snape hasn't taken them all away already," Harry replied glumly.

"I understand this is a hard time for you, Harry. Twenty points will be taken from Gryffindor for the extremely obscene lyrics. Now get back to the Common Room."

Harry nodded, and left the room.

"Well, how'd it go?" Ron asked, who was standing against the cold stone wall.

"Only took away twenty points," Harry said, smiling.

"What'd you tell her?"

"Told her I was punishing Malfoy for everything Voldemort has done," Harry replied.

Ron laughed. "And she believed it? You're punishing Malfoy for everything he's done. Right?" Harry nodded, and smiled at his best friend.

And as the two boys walked down the hall grinning, they could have sworn they heard laughing coming from McGonagall's office.


End file.
